What we are up to

Puddle jumpin'

by Nick Holloway

April showers are right around the corner. In fact - as a sunny day up here in Liverpool darkens and the clouds loom - it looks like they've arrived already. Must be global warming buggering up the seasons or something. Anyway, what better time to join Mercy's wet weather Puddle League? (Puddleague...? No, perhaps not.)

Suggestions from our existing members about how to get the most out of puddles include:

1. Special boots with rubidium implants just a few millimetres below the sole. Splash a puddle too enthusiastically and your feet get blown off. It'll be a bit like Russian Roulette, only with water.
2. Purposely freezing puddles to create ice rinks for ants.
3. Puddles club uniform made solely from tissue paper. When you get splashed, suddenly there you are - nude for everyone to see.

Gawd knows we have enough grizzly days in Britain, so let's make the most of them! Sign up here.